It’s been a while since I’ve done a post, and I don’t have much explanation for it. I’ve used half of my download limit of McDonald’s free Wi-Fi just reading my own Tumblr; is it odd that I find it fascinating?

The older ones, they’re all about me hiding things and pretending to be happy, and when I read back on them I think “Why did you do that? Why didn’t you just let people in?”

But never mind, that was 2010.

It’s January 2^nd, 2011. I don’t even know how I got here. I’m 18 years old, I’m moving out; everything is changing.

All through Year 12 I was so excited to finish school and get out! I thought I was ready. Everyone else was nervous, but I was prepared to embrace the change.

But then things got tough. I didn’t do as great as I had hoped in my exams, I didn’t get Early Entry; I don’t think I had ever felt so depressed in my life. The changes came too soon, too fast, too hard.

But now I have a grasp on this situation. Some things are going to stay the same; a lot of things are going to change. I’m not confused anymore, and I’m back to that same feeling, when I was excited for the future. I just want to get out! I’ve lived in the same house all my life. I went to 2 primary schools, and 1 high school, but all within 30 minutes of each other. I’m ready to experience change. I’m ready to meet new people; mix it up a little.

Of course I’m going to miss home; my family, my childhood friends. Most of all I’m going to miss FHS Yr12, 2010. But the memories I have, they’re going to be with me til I die. When I don’t have the memories of the good times, the bad times, the stressful times, the chillax sessions; then I’ll be sad.

To everyone in high school, but especially the seniors (11 & 12): Make the most of it while you have it. You sit through Year 12 grads thinking “I can’t wait til that’s me” but honestly; don’t waste it. It’s going to be the most life moulding experience you’ll ever get.

I’m young, and I’m going to make the most of it. Stress less and smile like the sun is shining bright 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

“The future is bulletproof! The aftermath is secondary! It’s time to do it now, and do it loud.”

So shut up, and enjoy life.

x.

- She’s pretty amazing

- She’s pretty beautiful

- She’s pretty awesome

- She’s pretty lovely

- She’s pretty rad

- She’s pretty gorgeous

- She’s pretty brilliant

- She’s pretty groovy

- She’s pretty breathtaking

- She’s pretty remarkable

- She’s pretty charming

- She’s pretty delightful

- She’s pretty attractive

- She’s pretty incredible

- She’s pretty fantastic

- She’s pretty excellent

- She’s pretty wonderful

- She’s pretty terrific

- She’s pretty superb

- She’s pretty fabulous

- She’s pretty charming

- She’s pretty pretty

To sum it all up…

I know this girl

Her name is Ashy

She is my bestfriend

And I love her

Maybe it’s love

Maybe we don’t understand

Maybe it’s lust

But you don’t see a problem there

Maybe I know

Maybe you know me too well

Maybe we know

Maybe you know how to sell

Our hearts, our minds, combined and entwined

We’ll dance, til dawn, this is it, come on!

We’ll sing this cliché

It’s the price we pay

With our hearts on our sleeves

Baby, sing that melody

-

Sing it out loud

Shout it across town

You’re my last card

Whisper three words to me

Maybe it’s not for us

Maybe you were right, it’s lust

Baby, gotta hold on tight

Fighting for the morning light

Maybe I say its love

Maybe we need a plan

Come on baby take the risk

Come on baby take my hand…

And with;

Our hearts, our minds, combined and entwined

We’ll kiss, under stars, in the sun, in the rain!

We’ll sing this cliché

It’s the price we pay

With our hearts on our sleeves

Baby, sing that melody

-

Sing it out loud

Shout it across town

You’re my last card

Whisper three words to me

Maybe, maybe

Baby, please jump

Maybe, maybe

Baby, I’m losing myself for you

Watch me fade away in the sunset

And as the stars come out to shine

Change that maybe

Turn that lust to love

©TWIAU

I say I’m not pretty.

Not because I’m looking for attention or compliments; I’m simply stating how I truly feel.

I don’t believe that I am pretty because I can see everything you don’t. I see how my stomach looks when I’m standing in my bra; I see the face under the (little) make-up I wear. I see every little flaw about myself, even if you can’t.

I say I’m not pretty, because I’d be lying if I said I was.

I suffer in silence. I don’t cry in front of people. I can smile despite how, to be frank, shit things are. I will always put others before me. It’s because I love everyone else more than I could ever love myself.

I’m the girl that you see staring off into space. I’m the girl, who if you were to ask what’s wrong, would reply ‘nothing’, when in reality it’s everything. I’m sitting there wondering what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, how I would have changed it if I had the chance. And if I had the chance to go back and do it over again, would it end with the same result? That’s why I stare.

My body isn’t perfect. | I don’t walk with confidence. | I get into fights with my parents and friends. | Most nights I’d rather be by myself than out partying. | I cry over the smallest things sometimes. | There are many days that I get through with forced smiles and fake laughs. | Most of the time I try to convince myself that things are okay when they’re not. | I’m not ugly, but I’m not beautiful. | There are some nights that I cry myself to sleep. | I constantly think I’m not good enough.

But in the end, after waffling on like this, I always realise:

I’m imperfect, but I’m perfectly me.

So I had this dream last night.

About how things could’ve turned out if I had the guts to do what I was imagining myself doing that night.

Don’t turn it kinky, it’s purely clean, I swear.

I should’ve said hi, you were trying to isolate yourself, I could tell. Maybe you were tired? Whatever, you looked cute; hood up, headphones in.

I wanted to disturb you, sit next to you, or maybe just get you involved in our conversation, anything really.

I know it annoys (or annoyed?) you, it annoys me too. I don’t know why I do it, or don’t do it for that matter. Well, I didn’t know why then but I know exactly why I don’t now.

But you’re never ever going to find out.

x.

Emily’s.

—-

Classes together, we could be friends forever

But I’m too scared to tell you how I feel

I’ve liked you forever

Can’t you see?

Only time will tell, if you’d like a girl like me

So close but yet so far

I say “I love you” from afar

I’ve liked you forever

But you’ll never see, I’ll like you forever

Could you like a girl like me?

You like her and not me

What a triangle this could be

Sometimes I think “tell him now”

But then I realise, I don’t know how

We are so venerable, we can be hurt

You may just think that I’m a flirt,

We can be hurt, not just physically

The worst hurt is emotionally

Deep down, under our skin

Emotions play, and reel them in

We will be friends forever

It doesn’t matter if you’re together

Happy faces are easy to fake

Words of encouragement are easy to make

I’ll act like I’m fine

And you’ll believe me,

I’ll act like I’m fine

Until my perfect knight

Comes to save me

In the mirror,

You will see,

My perfect knight

Looking for me…

©